


Did It To Myself

by GoldenAmara



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, Humour, Junoverse Worldbuilding, Junoverse | Juno Steel Universe, Outer Space, POV First Person, POV Peter Nureyev, Post-Episode: s01e18 Juno Steel and the Final Resting Place, Running Away, Space Ferries, Worldbuilding, dark humour, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22091017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenAmara/pseuds/GoldenAmara
Summary: I work best alone.That's what I have said from the start, and it has only been proven with my most recent, incident. Juno Steel won't join me up here, and thats fine. It means more room for myself.Just me, and the stars.And Ruby 7.And the constant and crippling doubts and overwhelming thoughts in my mind.You get the picture.
Kudos: 1





	Did It To Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the song "Did It To Myself" by Orla Gartland, go give it a listen!  
> also sorry that the formatting is a little weird, I'm gonna try and do better next chapter

I didn’t wait until the morning after Junos footsteps faded down the hall, until there was nothing  
but the sound of traffic below. There was no point in sleeping, so I sat up and stared solemnly  
at the empty space beside me. Jesus Peter, you should have seen that coming from a mile  
away. I thought I could fix him, perhaps he didn’t want to be fixed, perhaps he didn’t love me.  
File it away. Don’t think about it. I tore my eyes away from the space beside me and stood up. I  
felt numb, I was sure there were other emotions lurking beneath it though, but I paid them no  
heed. I felt cold, it was such a contrast from earlier in the night, the warmth of Juno beside me,  
his lips on mine. No. Stop it. I pushed those thoughts away and dressed myself. It was only  
when I passed by a small mirror in the cramped hotel room that I noticed I was crying, my face  
red, eyes and nose running. I looked like a mess. I stopped my path towards the door to stare  
at myself in that mirror, tears still streaming down my face, dark, sleepless circles under my  
eyes, hair scattered and formless. I wanted to shatter that mirror, to take my anger out on it,  
but with shaky hands took it off the wall and lay it facedown on the floor. If there were a shower  
here, I could definitely use one, but there was none, and I couldn’t bear the thought of staying  
here anyway. I brushed my hair back with my hand and wiped the tears from my eyes, then I  
opened the door and left, not looking back. I walked swiftly and quietly, down the countless  
flights of stairs until I finally stumbled out onto the Martian streets. Hyperion City, “The City of  
First Light”, it was Juno’s home, and he chose it over me. Neon lights and holograms littered  
the sides of all those buildings, they made a thin line between night and day. 

I never had a nostalgic connection with my home, it was actually quite the opposite. Here the  
buildings rose high, blocking out the endless sky, it felt like a cage. It was a cage if you thought  
about it enough. I had been across the galaxy, and no place had more poverty, crime, or  
corruption than Mars. Of course other planets had that stuff, but Mars was a special package  
deal for all of them at once. I spent about thirty minutes wandering aimlessly before finally  
starting to get a plan of action in my mind. Of course I would need to go pick up the Ruby 7,  
there was no way I would leave that behind, but summoning it into the middle of Hyperion City  
would turn too many heads. So I started to make my way to the edge of the dome, keeping my  
head down, like so many others wandering these streets. Maybe I could ask Vales Vicky for a  
favour, but the last thing I need right now is to be in even more debt. So I just do what I do  
best, I disappear.

It was almost midday by the time I reached the outskirts, I was in Old Town now. It was even  
more battered and bruised than the rest of the city, same goes with the people. The sun was  
high and I had heard that the Dome was weaker in this part of Hyperion City, so I take shelter in  
the shadow of a rusty building. I looked around to see if there was anyone nearby before  
pulling out the keys to the Ruby 7, “Come to my location, be discrete and silent” I say to the  
keys, which beep in reply. The Ruby 7 pulled up to me no more than a minute later, I got into  
the driver's seat and drove. To where I would go? I don’t know, but a part of me felt that if I  
went fast enough through the martian desert I could leave everything that happened there, in  
Hyperion City. Of course it’s naive of me to think that way, to think that if I never intentionally  
looked back, the memories would not bother me.My primary instinct was to flee, so I did just  
that. Unfortunately one cannot escape the presence of their own idle mind, and the thoughts  
started to seep into my conscious, slowly but surely. Why did he leave, was it something I did.  
No. With the stunt he pulled back in the chamber I can easily tell he’s self destructive. But why  
did he leave. The thought tosses and turns in my head like a fish out of water. Unlike a fish out  
of water, it never died. I tried to fold the thought and file it away, but it always found a way to  
worm it’s way back into my skull. That vicious circle continues for hours. I should have stayed  
by myself, I had always worked best when I was alone. I shouldn’t have even kissed him that  
first night we met, or given him my name. I risked my career on this man, the thief without a  
name is worth nothing if someone goes spreading it about.Juno had made a mess my  
system, he had pulled up so many old memories and emotions. Heh, I say it as if the mess is  
his fault, when I was the one who allowed him into my memories. I spent those four hours  
sifting through my thoughts and carefully putting them in boxes labeled do not touch.

The Ruby 7 had substantial radiation protection, but I couldn’t spend my time driving aimlessly  
around the wastes. I stopped in the shade of a hill and considered my options. Staying on Mars  
was an option, but it didn’t entice me considering my current situation. Olympus Mons would  
definitely have flights off this planet, I guess I could head up there. For now I decided my first  
priority would be getting off this god forsaken planet, I did not belong here on the ground. I  
quickly got the car back onto the empty road and sped along. It was exhilarating being able to  
go this fast, watching the martian desert fly past in a blur. Mars was a much smaller planet than  
many others and I reached my destination within an hour. Olympus Mons engulfed the horizon,  
spreading high and wide. I couldn’t even see the top of it, where it pokes out of the  
atmosphere, all I could see was the thin ribbon of a switchback road snaking its way up the  
curved, rocky side. The long dormant volcano looked like a pimple on the face of the planet  
from space, but I hadn’t truly realized it’s majesty until I had to scale it. The city of Olympus  
Mons stood in what used to be the creator, and it’s economy was based around mining the  
ancient volcanic ores that lay within the behemoth. It acted as a pit stop for many ships  
passing through Sol, it was easily accessible and more reliable to land on an asteroid. It is later  
afternoon by the time I finally crest the rim of the crater, the sky was darker up here, and I  
could make out a few stars even. Streaks of lights from spaceships crossed the sky overhead,  
and below I could see the Martian desert spanning for kilometers on end. In the distance I  
swear I could see the glistening neon lights of Hyperion City. To many people seeing how small  
you were compared to everything else was terrifying, but it gave me a sense of peace. I  
pressed onwards, cresting the crater and making my way back down into Olympus Mons. The  
dome of Olympus Mons was much better built than the one in Hyperion City, not only because  
they needed better protection, being on the outskirts of the atmosphere and whatnot - the city  
was well kept and well run. People with money did not as much power here as they do in  
Hyperion city. It was funny how only a couple hundred kilometers separate these two cities, yet  
they were so different. Olympus Mons had less flair, it was a simple city that served its  
purpose. I made up my mind and decided to take the first ferry I saw, already had multiple fake  
IDs for intergalactic travel, and it didn’t take long for me to get into the line of cars for one of  
those massive roaming spaceships. The design of the ship itself was modelled after the original  
ferries on earth, but it was much, much bigger. Looking up at it, as I drove closer and closer to  
it, I felt a lump in my throat. At the last second I veered out of the line, ignoring the honks of  
protest from other cars behind me. I sped away from the behemoth of a spaceship, and made  
my way back into the city. Why was I scared? I don’t know. Maybe scared is the correct word  
for how I felt, maybe apprehensive was the better explanation. I had been up in the stars my  
whole life, why now, did this planet have a ball and chain around my foot. I wanted to leave, I  
know I should leave. But my heart ached for me to stay. One more night, it wouldn’t hurt  
anyone, well, it would hurt me. However my body screamed for rest, my muscles ached and I  
could almost see the bruises through my shirt. I pulled up to a hotel and paid credits I did not  
have to get a room for the night. For some reason I felt safe leaving the Ruby 7 in the parkade,  
a part of me knew it wouldn’t run away, that it would stay by my side. Wow that was  
depressing. The hotel itself isn’t the fanciest, but it will do. I drag my body to my room and  
make sure the door is securely locked, as well as the windows. I pull the curtains down and  
turn off the lights. I don’t bother taking off my glasses as I fall onto the bed, and sleep takes me  
almost immediately.


End file.
